from Lucy's daddy

If there are two definitive things that Lucy has taught me it is that 1) death is eminent and largely goes unnoticed until it is right in front of you and 2) time spent with children and loved ones is truly one of God’s greatest gifts and is often wasted due to life’s distractions.

Lucy has already made me a better father. Prior to her diagnosis, I was largely wrapped up in planning for the future; getting to the next phase of life, the next kid, the new job, the next degree, the first Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl victory. I didn't realize that I was missing one of the most extraordinary events in life; getting to be a father to Johnny. Now when I say being a father, I’m not talking about big things like weekends, trips to the park, reading books, watching movies etc. I’m talking about the little things. A little boy reaching his hand through his crib and asking me to hold it while he falls asleep. Wanting me to make his toys talk to each other and hold things. Watching him bust a move when he hears random background music in a store. You only get one shot at seeing these things and cherishing them in that moment before they are gone. I can’t believe Johnny is two. I feel like before I know it he’ll be fifteen; people tell me all the time: “it goes by so quick”. I always shrugged it off, assuming I would have more kids, assuming there would be a next time.

The first weeks after the diagnosis, my mindset was that Lucy was our cross to bear. Terrible things happen to people all the time: cancer, wars, deaths of parents, car crashes, paralysis, etc. I just told myself that this was our cross. This was one of those defining moments in our lives. We were given the option to terminate the pregnancy when we found out the diagnosis. In our hearts Brooke and I both knew, without even having to discuss it, what our decision would be. We would choose to respect and honor Lucy’s life and be the best parents we could be to her. The mistake that I made was seeing Lucy as a cross to bear; a cross that my wife would physically carry within her until birth and, shortly after, death. I now see that Lucy herself is not the burden but rather a wonderful gift, a light. We named our daughter Lucy for this reason, Lucy means light. She is our light which will illuminate this world only for a brief moment, but a light that will remain in our lives forever. Our cross is instead the same we all eventually bear; death and the anxiety and grief that come with it, and the thought of what might have been had our daughter not had this birth defect. For Brooke, that cross is also the physical burdens which come with pregnancy. I cannot tell you how proud I am of my wife for carrying Lucy to term.

We are excited to meet Lucy. I can’t wait to soak up all of those little moments when I finally get to meet her. Whether it is two hours, two days, or two months I will not miss a single one. And when they are over, and all that remains is the sadness because she is gone, I will wait again with the hope I will get to see her again made whole by God for all eternity.

My favorite movie is “It’s a Wonderful Life” and this Christmas it will be hard for me not to think of Lucy. In it, the main character George Bailey sees his own life as disposable and while talking to an angel (Clarence) wishes he were never born. He then has the opportunity to see all of the lives that he changed through his life and how truly wonderful the gift of life is. My hope and prayer is that Lucy’s life has meaning. I hope that, though it may be short, it may touch and change others' lives for the better; I know it has changed mine.

John Tunink (Lucy’s Daddy)